you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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