where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
God, I missed his penis.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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