smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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