I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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