Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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