1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
