Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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