You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Pants are for mortals
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
