Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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