Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
