What tipped you off? The sombrero?
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
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