if you like me you must not know who I am
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
