Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
