You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
