If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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