he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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