It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
