I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Randomize
