oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Randomize
