No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Someone came in the potted fern
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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