I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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