Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
