so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
either way he was missing a nipple.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Randomize
