i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
