you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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