Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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