I smell stomach acid.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
