This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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