My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
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