the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize