I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
