Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
