Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
