Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
