dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Randomize
