my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize