I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
