life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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