oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
