The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
