I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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