she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
