I look better un-naked...
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
