Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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