I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Randomize
