it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
