you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Randomize