Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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