i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize