porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
is it fun? or sober?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
