3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
i just google imaged poop.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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