In the future we'll all be gay
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I need moral support for this bender
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
