Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
