Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
