im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
