please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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