You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize