she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
