He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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