I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Randomize
