tell your sister to shave her snatch
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
