I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
