Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Randomize
