i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
