Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
